Toaster twit!

I know we are all jumpy about security in SA, especially if you stay in the cities. Me too. In fact, I am so jumpy I bought myself one of those flick-sticks. You know, the kind that extends telescopically to reveal a mean striking metal bar for which to donder the kuk out of okes wif.


Anyhoo, last night I heard a blood-curdling scream followed by a man's deep voice that could have been either concern or threat. I dont know which as in my semi-somnent state, I was still busy telling Monica Bellucci that she would be welcome to stay over as long as she cooks my favourite recipe in the buff (at least, that is what I have chosen to remember of my dream).

Having snapped out of it, I realised that the scream came either from the flat next-door, or from the one above. So I kicked into damsel-in-distress-rescuing mode and whipped on my jeans (only the urgency of the situation stopped me from wrapping a rugby sock round my forehead and putting shoe-polish under my eyes). I grabbed my flick-stick and headed for the door.

When I got outside I scanned the surrounding areas to find nothing but my neighbour in his shower towel, also looking up to see where the commotion was coming from. With all the bravado and adrenalin of a Pamplonan teenager on the 6th of July, I ran upstairs, knocked on the door and bellowed, "Is everyone OK in there?" Needless to say my voice lost it just after 'OK' and I squeaked the last two words not unlike said teenage Pamplonan.

Lo and behold, my upstairs neighbour opens the door and looks at me like I am insane. He tells me that his girlfriiend had electrocuted herself on the toaster. Thinking that I could go from crime-preventer to life-saver, I thought back on my CPR lesson and how to jumpstart the poor girl's kicker, when she comes up behind him, holding her hand and wailing like a spoilt child.

I shit you not, without skipping a beat, she looks at me and says, "I'll be OK, I think I am still in shock."

In Shock??? Electrocuted??? Is is just me or is a zap from a toaster not slightly different to being electrocuted?

From the scream, you would have thought she was all alone and had woken to find Jacob Zuma standing over her bed with his shower cap on.

Massively deflated at the prospect of absolutely nothing of any significance whatsoever happening to anyone, I came back downstairs and tried to go back to bed. Have you ever tried to sleep after an arenaline rush...

Exactly, hence my writing of this post at 1.30am. Gnight.